Recall -- All Makes, All Models

Canadian government health and safety officials have ordered all automotive brands formerly and currently selling in Canada to recall every past and current model for immediate, mandatory safety upgrades to comply with newly-passed legislation, Bill 119.

The bill, which passed unanimously on 30 August, outlines mandatory safety equipment (MSE) to be fitted to every motorized vehicle in Canada. Examples of MSE include foam paneling around the perimeter of the vehicle, reflective tape on all four corners, and bumperettes fitted to the front and rear of every vehicle. Other high-visibility peripherals will be affixed the length of the vehicle at least every meter (1000 mm).

This new legislation was catalyzed by the horrific death of a Mississauga resident, 21 year old Patrick Ho, after he failed to see a pickup truck traveling north on Hurontario Road in the plain light of day. Excessive speed is not believed to be a factor.

"Clearly, vehicles are not as visible and pedestrian-safe as possible. [Bill 119] aims to change that," says a government spokesperson. "MSE packages will reduce car-related deaths by a full 10%."

The bill goes on to require MSE devices be fitted to any vehicle using Canadian roads, including visiting vehicles from the US. Owners of horribly pedestrian-unfriendly vehicles, such as full-size SUVs, will be fined $1000 daily until they have their vehicle sold for scrap and buy a Prius.

Already the bill is being praised by the Canadian Automotive Association, the Insurance Bureau of Canada, and the Canadian Medical Association, though the CMA says they will not be satisfied until every vehicle is removed from the road, as traffic accidents are the number one cause of traffic-related fatalities in Canada.

Currently before the house is Bill 120, requiring high-visibility tape be applied to all commercial airliners entering and exiting Canada, and ear protection be worn at all times by residents living within 15km of an international airport.